tv Late Night With Jimmy Fallon NBC March 1, 2011 3:05am-4:00am PST
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey! oh, wow. welcome, everybody. what a great crown. thank you, guys. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon." hey, today is groundhog day. [ cheers and applause ] the way it works is if the groundhog sees his shadow, we get six more weeks of winter. and if the groundhog doesn't see his shadow, we're still getting six more weeks of winter. let's be honest. [ laughter ] that doesn't really work. this weather thing is a huge story. over in chicago, high winds caused the part of roof to blow off of wrigley field. yeah, the cubs called it the worst disaster at wrigley since every season for the past 103 seasons. [ laughter ] "this is a nightmare. [ cheers and applause ] this is a nightmare!" and this isn't good. the temperature is below zero in dallas, where the super bowl is taking place this weekend. in fact, it's so cold, the winning team plans to dump a bucket of hot cocoa all over their coach. [ laughter ]
it's like, "here comes the swiss miss!" "don't you dare! you burned my face!" [ laughter ] "say 'i'm going to disneyland.' say 'i'm going to disneyland.'" [ screams ] [ laughter ] "it's third-degree burn! [ laughter ] it's the marshmallows!" how do they do that? that's just an awful -- awful ending. here's some tech news, you guys. google is accusing bing of watching what people search for on google and then using that information to improve its own search results. yeah, that's when you know bing is in trouble, when even bing isn't using bing. [ laughter ] check this out. a prison in alabama has a program that let's inmates meditate for up to ten hours a day. [ laughter ] the program is called "being in prison." [ laughter ] i guess that's -- what else -- [ applause ] great program. awesome.
whose idea was that? "we also have a 24-hour meditation." this is exciting. i heard that prince william already knows which designer he's wearing for his wedding. i'm not going to tell you which designer, but let's put it this way, "he's going to like the way he looks, i guarantee it." [ laughter ] men's wearhouse. [ applause ] men's wearhouse. "you're going to like it." [ laughter ] get this. i read that because of the sluggish economy, there's been a rise in vending machine theft. [ light laughter ] those must be boring crimes to plan. you know, it's like, "hey, here's our next target, d-6. [ laughter ] the world will know the name the baked lays bandit! they will know it! [ laughter ] shout it from the rooftops." and, finally, i heard that radio
shack has started buying back old, out of date cell phones in exchange for store credit. that way, you can use the store credit to buy radio shack merchandise -- like old, out of date cell phones. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, you guys, we got a fun show tonight. a fun prog. a legendary actor, one of our favorite guests of all time. the one and only -- "i will strike down upon thee with great vengeance" -- samuel l. jackson is here! [ cheers and applause ] furious anger! he is hilarious. he's got a new show on the history channel. my man, larry the cable guy is joining us! [ cheers and applause ]
he makes me laugh. and we always like to break new talent on our show tonight. so one of my favorites -- i love this group. phantogram is going to be here! [ cheers and applause ] questlove is going to be playing with them tonight. it's going to be good. looking forward to that. [ cheers and applause ] so it's television debut love for phantogram. i'm psyched. you guys, it's time for "late night hashtags!" here we go. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that song is getting better and better. i love it. [ laughter ] these are lists on twitter where we give you the topic and you send in the tweets. now, it's february, valentine's day is coming up. love is in the air. so, yesterday, i started a hashtag called "worst pickup line." i asked you guys at home to tweet your worst pickup line.
it could be a new one that you just invented or even one that's been used on you, whatever. we got thousands of tweets last night. in fact, it was the number one trending topic worldwide, which is awesome. [ cheers and applause ] so, thank you to all for the tweets. thank you for the tweets. it's so fun when that happens. so, now, i thought i'd share some of my favorite worst pickup line tweets from you guys. here we go. this first one is from @colormeweird. [ laughter ] that's weird that it doesn't have two "ds" in that, colormeweird. she says the worst pickup line she's heard is, "do you have any raisins? no? then how about a date?" [ laughter ] i can see that working. i like that one. this one is from @kellymeacham. she says the worst one she's heard is, "you remind me of 'pokemon.' i just want to pikachu." [ laughter ] that's cute, right? that was pretty good. this one is from @devendeleo. this is his worst pickup line.
"if your left leg was thanksgiving and your right leg was christmas, can i visitou between the holidays?" [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] you have to think on that one. i like this one here. this is from @jeerport. his worst pickup line, "there once was a man from nantucket -- me." [ laughter ] [ applause ] that is awesome. this is from -- oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. this is a topical one here. this is from @andrewlshields. he says his worst pickup line is, "your parents must have been groundhogs because when i saw your shadow it was spring in my pants." [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] what? what is going on? this is from @scarlson29.
his worst pickup line, "those boobs look heavy. can i hold them for you?" [ laughter ] i'm just here to help. i'm just trying to help. "those boobs look heavy. don't want you hurting your back." it's from @aaronschiler. it's from @aaronschiler. "you're hot, i'm ugly. let's make average-looking babies." [ laughter ] there you have it. those are tonight's "last night hashtags." [ cheers and applause ] to check out all these tweets and more of our favorites, go to latenightwithjimmyfallon.com. we'll be right back with "battle of the instant dance crews." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ lysol believes that kids shouldn't miss school days during cold and flu season. that's why we started a mission for health. by going beyond clean surfaces to healthy surfaces. by making a healthy way to wash hands. and even by working with a pediatrician to develop lysol healthy habits initiatives in schools.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. i hope you had a great day. you'll enjoy this right here. i need you to hang on to your pants, everybody, because they're about to get blown off. [ light laughter ] it's time for "battle of the instant dance crews!" here we go! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: before the show, we picked ten people from our audience. they have never met before, but they all have one thing in
common. they love to dance. [ light laughter ] then we split them into two dance crews. and here's how talented our audience here is at "late night." these guys have had just 45 minutes to make up a full-on dance routine and perform it for us live tonight. here's footage of them practicing backstage a little while ago. there they are. [ laughter ] oh, that looked good. oh, there's some good stuff there. all right, here they are now. let's give them a hand, you guys. here they are. [ cheers and applause ] oh, my gosh. welcome to the show, guys. tell me your name and where you are from, please. >> kelly, new jersey. >> jimmy: hey, all right. >> lindsay from california. >> jimmy: all right. >> jonathan lou from baton rouge, louisiana. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i'm dawn, i'm from new york. [ cheers ] >> and kyle, from jersey. >> jimmy: oh, a lot of jersey and new york styles over there. okay, guys. you've never met before, correct? >> correct. >> jimmy: all right, very good. you just, kind of, all dress alike. [ light laughter ] now, while you were backstage, we asked you to pick a name for your crew. what did you come up with?
>> we came up with one of your favorite delicacies, team p.b. and j. >> jimmy: oh, i like it. peanut butter and jelly. yeah, i guess i like that. [ laughter ] that's very good. i like that. team p.b. and j. now, you've clearly been accessorized backstage. let's take a look at your group photo here. [ laughter ] there they are. there it is, the publicity still for your next world tour. very, very nice. it's time to meet your opponents. here you go. welcome, you guys. what is your name and where are you from? >> i'm desiree, from north carolina. >> jimmy: welcome. >> i'm sam, from new jersey. >> gene, from new jersey. >> melissa, from wisconsin. >> kulwant, from india. >> jimmy: hey! [ cheers and applause ] what was your name again? >> kulwant. >> jimmy: kulwant? >> it's kulwant, k-u-l-w-a-n-t. that's all right. people call me kul for short. >> jimmy: kul? >> kul. >> jimmy: kul? >> yeah, that'll work. >> jimmy: all right. cool, man. [ laughter ] all right, kul. what is the name of your crew?
>> stingz like a bee. >> jimmy: ah, stings like a bee. i get why, i get why. yeah, yeah, yeah. oh, already? you guys are doing stuff. all right, here's your group shot here. check this out. there you go. [ laughter ] oh, i love it with a "z." stingz like a bee. very nice. okay, guys, it all comes down to this. it's time for the dance battle. behold the dance floor. [ laughter ] that's where the magic happens. the roots are going to play a song, and each crew will perform the choreographed dance routine they made up less than an hour ago. [ laughter ] this is it, you guys. and remember what we always say here at "late night." in the words of brett dolan from the classic street -- give me your hand. [ laughter ] brett dolan from the classic street-dancing film "step up." "when someone hands you your dreams, you take it. you don't ask questions." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]
i promised myself i wouldn't cry. i promised myself that. are there any questions? okay, here we go. team p.b. and j, please take the stage. [ cheers and applause ] wow. ladies and gentlemen, you are in for a treat. performing together as a dance crew for the very first time ever, please give it up for team p.b. and j! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: very good! come on back. that was fantastic! have a seat. well, well done. wow, you guys, they made a pretty bold statement out there. [ laughter ] do you guys think you can top it? you feeling good? kul's feeling good. all right. well, there's only one way to find out. go ahead, take the stage. take la stage. [ cheers and applause ] calm down, kul. all right, here we go. roots, are you guys ready? >> we're ready. >> jimmy: ladies and gentlemen, i can't believe this is happening. [ laughter ] we got them? are you sure? check with gary. if gary says so, check with lance. if lance is unsure, check with purvis. [ laughter ] purvis doesn't work here anymore. no problem.
all right, you guys, it's time to pick our winner. who's it going to be, audience? will it be team p.b. and j? [ cheers and applause ] or is it -- all right, all right. or is it stingz like a bee? [ cheers and applause ] we have a winner! it is team p.b. and j. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] wow. congratulations. oh, man. and because you guys are the best dance crew, you'll each be taking home a $300 gift certificate to j. crew. one great crew deserves another. ♪ hey -- thank you, jasper. thank you, jasper. [ laughter ] and because nobody at "late night" goes home empty-handed, everyone in the runner-up crew is getting a $100 gift certificate to j. crew. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] there you go. thank you very much. thank you so much. jasper, thank you. ♪
i guess purvis does still work here. hey, buddy. [ laughter ] thanks to our friends at j. crew. congratulations to all of our dancers. you guys did great. congratulations. stick around. we'll be right back with samuel l. jackson! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ host: could switching to geico really save you 15% or more on car insurance? host: does it take two to tango? ♪ ♪ anncr: geico. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. how about both? with covergirl lashblast fusion.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest this evening has starred in some of the biggest and baddest movies of recent times. you can see him starring opposite tommy lee jones in cormac mccarthy's "the sunset limited" at 9:00 p.m., saturday, february 12th on hbo. put it together for samuel l. jackson! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah! that's the way you do it.
that's the way to do it. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah! that's the way you do it. that's the way to do it. i'm sorry, mr. jackson. >> no, man. >> jimmy: it was ms. jackson? >> jimmy: i want to talk about this. you have a nine picture deal with marvel studios to play nick fury. >> yeah, i've done, what, two of them? >> jimmy: two of them? [ cheers and applause ] because every time i've seen him come on, it just gets crazy applause, no matter what theater i'm at. it's a fun gig. >> yeah, it's mad happening. but everybody loves nick fury. i'm like the first black nick fury. so it's all cool. [ laughter ] there's been, like, david hasselhoff and somebody else. now, it's me. but i got to do, in the next month or so, i have to do one day on "thor" and i got to do another day on "captain america." and, in april, we start "the avengers."
the big deal with everybody. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: people go nuts. but wait -- you haven't shot "thor" or "captain america" yet? >> yeah, "thor" -- well, "thor" and "captain america" are pretty much done, but i haven't done my part in them yet. i'm just connective tissue for them to join "the avengers." >> jimmy: it's so fun. can you say it? are you coming out after the credits or you're in the movie? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: you never know? >> no, i have no idea what they want me to do. >> jimmy: because that's that new thing that they do, they make you sit through the credits and you're like -- and you're eating the remnants of your cold, butter popcorn -- >> that was the "iron man" thing. it's so funny because when i saw "iron man" for the first time, i sat there and they had the film, they screened the film for me and my agent and some other people were sitting there. the credits came and went, and i wasn't there. [ laughter ] the fed the wrong print. >> jimmy: "we will sue you!" >> then they sent a dude to my house with, like, 30 seconds of film. so i had to watch it and sign something and then he had to leave. >> jimmy: "i'm very sorry, mr. jackson." >> yeah, right. >> jimmy: but it did come out the end and then, boy, did it kill. >> yeah.
>> jimmy: oh, it destroyed in the theater. >> but i had a better job in "iron man 2." so, i get to actually talk and hang out with "iron man" and kick it with scarlett, who's one of my good friends. >> jimmy: i love scarlett johansson. she's great. well, that's the big -- >> "black widow" is like dope. [ applause ] >> jimmy: yeah. i mean, it's good stuff. but you're going out -- i heard you're going out to read with some actors? >> yeah, i got a screen test, like, five actresses on friday. they have this new character that's, i guess, my sidekick or something that is with me all the time. [ light laughter ] so, they're auditioning girls for it. >> jimmy: some secret good stuff. if we were at comic-con, there would be a riot right now. >> yeah, exactly. [ laughter ] beating doors down. >> jimmy: let's talk about this movie here on hbo, "the sunset limited." cormac mccarthy. you have tommy lee jones directing. >> yeah, and starring. >> jimmy: i mean, it's an actor piece. >> yeah, it's a really, really difficult piece of material that, basically, my character is a black ex con who happens to be on the subway platform one day when tommy lee jones' character tries to jump in front of a
train. and i stop him, and i take him back to my apartment and try to find out why he's trying to kill himself. and he hates the world, and the state of the world and the spirituality. and i believe in god, and i start preaching to him and talking to him. and we have this huge debate about whether god exists or doesn't exist or the world is not as crazy a place as you think it is and everybody wants salvation, and he doesn't. so it's cormac mccarthy's take on the big questions and the even bigger answers. >> jimmy: it's deep. it's really fun. it's good. did you do that on broadway or anything? in theater? >> the play was originally done at steppenwolf, then they came here with it. i don't know if they did it on our off broadway. it's been done in atlanta. they're doing a production of it in l.a. right now because i have a friend that's in it. but it's a big, wordy piece. >> jimmy: it's good. and it's very -- it's good. and, gosh, you do such a great job. i'm like, "man, i can't do stuff like that, clearly." [ laughter ] but we have a clip of the great samuel l. jackson and tommy lee jones. here's "the sunset limited."
>> there was nobody around. >> no, just me. >> well, i don't know where you could have been. >> are you going to get spooky on me here, professor? maybe i was behind a post or something. >> there wasn't any post. >> so, what you saying? you're looking at some big, black angel that got sent down here to snatch your honky ass out of there at the last possible minute and saved you from destruction? >> no, i don't think that. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: more with samuel l. jackson when we come back, you guys. come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. i'm here with the great samuel l. jackson who stars alongside tommy lee jones in "the sunset limited" coming up on hbo, saturday, february 12th at 9:00 p.m. set your tivos. sam jackson, everybody knows you're one of the best golfers in hollywood. [ laughter ] >> avid.
avid, avid. >> jimmy: avid. and i'm one of the worst. but i challenge you to one hole of hallway golf, here at studio 6b gold course. let's drive over to the tee. >> let's go. >> jimmy: okay, here we go. >> rider. >> jimmy: ride that good man. you're playing the jordan invitation coming up, aren't you? >> how much is the membership to this club? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they pay us. >> oh, really? >> jimmy: so, i've been going the wrong way. here we go. [ laughter ] >> all right, so you're a new member? >> jimmy: yeah, i just started. >> you just joined, did ya? >> jimmy: i just joined, yeah. i got -- my buddy, pervus, got me a membership. [ laughter ] >> you know what i heard? what do they call a good looking women at this club? >> jimmy: what? >> a guest. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that is true. [ rim shot ] you can do rim shots here. you pay extra for that. [ light laughter ] this is the loading dock here --back here in beautiful studio 6b. you're doing the jordan invitational this year? >> i don't know. i just heard it was like, march 28th. i may be in toronto working and
i may be in columbia working? >> jimmy: columbia? >> yeah, man. >> jimmy: wish i had that -- >> cartagena! >> jimmy: i don't know what that means. but -- [ laughter ] >> it's a city, dude. >> jimmy: oh i thought you were saying good luck or something. all right. here's the deal. we're going to tee off here. we're going to play down the hallway. okay. we hook a dog leg left into the studios. you can sink their put there. it's a par 5. >> okay. >> jimmy: watch out, there's a couple of sand traps. i don't know where they are. >> all right, well -- >> jimmy: there's a couple of sand traps. >> you're the member. show me the way. >> jimmy: you want me to go first? >> yeah, man. >> jimmy: here we go. >> ah, going with a high tee action. >> jimmy: i had to go with a high tee. yeah, here we go. [ laughter ] >> now on your backswing, do actually -- [ laughter ] do you have your tongue on the roof of your mouth or the bottom? >> jimmy: no neither, i kinda just focus on -- focus on the ball there. [ light laughter ] >> do you inhale or exhale?
[ laughter ] inhale or exhale? >> jimmy: i don't inhale because there's asepsis in here. [ laughter ] forgot to mention that -- yeah. oh! >> beach baby, beach. >> jimmy: here we go. good bounce. >> i'm gonna take the hard route. >> jimmy: good bounce off the sand. >> see if i can go low here. how you go? you play a little back in your stance, right? >> jimmy: yeah, absolutely. >> little back of your stance, little punch that down through there. see how i can turn the corner. all of those good things. okay. here we go. >> jimmy: hey, did you call him tommy lee or just tommy? >> t.o. mostly. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, that's cool. >> t.o., yeah. t.o. >> jimmy: should i --wait! should i call -- >> i can't be distracted. >> jimmy: oh, my god. [ cheers and applause ] that's the best i've ever seen, in hallway golf. >> that's pretty gnarly live there. >> good god! >> thank you baby.
>> jimmy: it's larry. get in there, watch out larry. >> am i safe here, or do i need to go around the corner. >> jimmy: no this is good here. >> if i stay close to the pin i don't have to worry about getting hit, right? >> jimmy: watch it. it looks like it's wet over here. it looks like someone -- >> --level. --level. >> jimmy: thank you larry. thank you. >> don't step on your club -- >> jimmy: thank you. >> --when you're on a slant like that. >> jimmy: why's it wet over here, larry? you know the bathroom's down the hall, right? >> i know but i couldn't make it so i went right there. >> jimmy: okay, no problem. >> just don't go right there. i buried something there. [ laughter ] >> oh! >> jimmy: yeah, feel good about that. >> yeah, but you're still behind me. you gotta show me the lines. >> jimmy: all right. [ cheers and applause ] >> still gotta show me the lines. >> jimmy: all right. you see where we are going? >> uh-huh. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh my god. there's no wind. it's air conditioning. >> come on with that. >> jimmy: all right, here we go. if i get in the audience, you gotta throw it in the green, okay? >> no, you don't. [ laughter ]
man is alive. oh! look at that. little funky. little funky there. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you gotta hit that green. >> oh yeah. work with that. work with that. [ laughter ] [ audience awws ] where is it? >> jimmy: tough line. >> where is it? >> jimmy: where did it go? >> oh it's right here. i'm good with that. >> jimmy: where did mine go? >> oh your behind these guys over -- hey. whoa. hey. >> jimmy: what are you talking about? [ laughter ] nice to meet you guys. how are you? [ applause ] pleasure. thanks for coming to the show. i appreciate you being here. thank you so much. you guys are awesome and good looking. good looking people. [ laughter ] you're up, my man. you gonna try a trick off the wall?
[ laughter ] >> it's jacked man. >> jimmy: i know. i'm sorry about this. [ laughter ] here you go. get ready. i'll get -- i'll get -- i'll get their putting equipment. >> put your relatives in the front row. is that how you do? is that how you do it, brother? >> jimmy: that's my cousin gary. >> uh-huh. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, man. >> well, at least we lay the same things. >> jimmy: you're behind the white, now don't get electrocuted. >> well, that's -- you know -- i mean i'm releasing the wire right. >> jimmy: you can drop from the wire. >> thought i was gonna get some relief from that. >> jimmy: yeah. oh see, you're an honest player. very nice. i like that the floors are level here. [ light laughter ] ready? >> i'm going with the flash stick. we lay the same thing, we both laid three. [ laughter ] along with some help from your friend. [ laughter ]
no breathing [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] [cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you can't say that. >> i thought this was cable. >> jimmy: this is tv, not hbo. >> my bad. >> jimmy: samuel l. jackson can't help saying that word. >> my bad. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> you knew who you had on the show. come on. >> jimmy: i know, i know, i know. >> nobody here would have believed it was me if i didn't say it once. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: coming from you, it's a term of endearment. >> it is. >> jimmy: i know. >> gets a roll in the hole. [audience ohs ] that was such a good roll. even on the green. look at that. >> jimmy: yeah, this is nice. thank you again. [ laughter ] >> yeah, funky fresh. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: here we go. [ light laughter ]
>> i see some brick there. >> jimmy: gotta hop over it -- >> gotta get it up there first. >> jimmy: exactly. [audience ohs ] >> jimmy: have to stop -- have to stop relying on the carpeting there. >> this carpet is jack. go ahead, let me see what you've got. >> jimmy: here's what's up. >> that's five for me. i heard you never won this? [ light laughter ] [audience ohs ] >> jimmy: now you see why. yeah. yeah. yeah. >> uh-huh. come on. just get up. just nestle in close. [audience oos ] hope is turning for a brother. >> jimmy: turn for a brother. [ laughter ] [audience ohs ] come on. awful. >> i got a chance. you're away. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. i am just awful. here we go. come on. come on, you guys. let me hear it. [cheers and applause ]
♪ >> move all that on. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you guys. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: our thanks to the great samuel l. jackson. when we come back, larry the cable guy! there he is in the budlight lime room. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] colorful, original ♪e u.s. light as air lipwear that does what a lipstick can't. the precision pen glides over lips with a flush of sheer color. it's never sticky. 'cause it's a stain. read my lips, this is not a lipstick. with one sold every 15 seconds, it's the #1 selling lipstain in the u.s. [ male announcer ] outlast lipstain. from easy, breezy, beautiful covergirl. [ drew ] top it off with the glossy shimmer of shineblast.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what happened -- during the commercail break they said -- you said, "we're not changing out of the outfits." >> i didn't get the memo. [ laughter ] you guys know our next guest from the hugely successful "blue collar comedy tour" and from from the pixar movie "cars" and the upcoming "cars 2." he's got a new show called "only in america," on the history channel premiering next tuesday at 9:00pm. it's really funny. say hello to larry the cable guy. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. thank you. how you doing? get ur done! >> jimmy: larry! it is good to see you, buddy.
>> hey, i want to apologize, i didn't mean to poop in your sand trap and i apologize. >> jimmy: is that what you did in there? i didn't know. >> samuel: it's not a big deal. we got a cat. >> well, there you go. >> jimmy: larry, you do not seem like a cold weather guy here. >> let me say one thing about the cold weather. i come up here and i understand that it's cold, and people bitch and moan about the cold weather. but let me just say this, it's february. [ laughter ] it's cold in february, and it snows in february and you know what is going to happen in june? hot. it's going to be hot. and then next february, cold again. and snow. holy macerole. can you believe that? >> samuel: not in l.a. >> it's unbel -- well -- florida either. but you know what i mean. i tell you the thing about it is, in the wintertime i've always got relatives to come down and have a family reunion in florida. and they're are at the house now. i'm glad i'm here. my wife's got to deal with it. actually she called me this morning and she just took my brother and his wife and four kids to the airport this morning.
they leave sunday. [ laughter ] i got a grandpa that's with us, he's all mad. he got fired from walmart -- he's a wal-mart greeter. got fired last year. here's our political correct world is sam,he gets fired last year for saying merry christmas to a couple of women in wal-mart on the way in. you believe that. course it was august and he wasn't wearing any pants. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's were i think -- that's where he got into trouble. >> that might have explained it right there. and then my grandma, she's a sweetheart. but she's with it, she's kinda irritating me. she looks a little like carol burnett, only shorter and the face is different. [ laughter ] but she's mad because she gets her hair cut at walmart, now she's mad at them and wants to sue them because they screwed up her side burns last week. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: why? >> you know, i got a nephew been living with me for a couple of months while his house is up at the mechanic. and -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i can't believe they screwed up -- [ talking over each other ] >> well, it's the weather.
it's snowing out. it's the weather. >> jimmy: i can't believe they screwed up grandma's side burns at walmart. >> yeah, they screwed up the side burns, it was bad -- and now my nephew is a -- he's a hippy. and it was his birthday the other day and i said, "what do you want for your birthday?" he said, "i want some incense," and that night my cousin crawled into bed with him. >> jimmy: no, no, no. --live in florida. [ laughter ] >> can i say this? his girlfriend's with him -- you should see this girl. she got a christmas -- she was all excited because she got a show dog for christmas and they -- she took best in the show in her home state and the dog took third. [ laughter ] you should see this girl. my dog humped her leg and shut his eyeballs. [ laughter ] i caught her drinking out of the
toilet that's how bad it is. just a mess. just a flat out mess. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that is just awful. i feel so bad. i want to -- now -- "only in america," by the way, i've seen the first episode and i loved it. you go around. you do all of these crazy things. you find out how moon shine is made. you do like a go-kart derby thing. >> yeah, you know what, it's awesome. it's called "only in america with larry the cable guy" and i'm celebrating the culture of the greatest country in the world, and showing why we're the greatest country in the world. and you watch tv a lot. you watch the news and it's depressing. and you know, the news always covers about 2% of the population as a bunch of dirt bags. you know what i'm talking about? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> well there's 98% of us out there that love living it. we love life. we're enjoying ourselves. so i'm covering what is good about the country. it's a great show. "only in america with larry the cable guy." >> jimmy: it's super fun. we have a clip of it. >> let me say -- can i say what the clip is? >> jimmy: of course. >> this clip here i'm totally naked. this is awesome. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no, no. we took that clip away. >> oh is that clip away?
>> jimmy: yeah, yeah, that's out. >> darn gone it. >> jimmy: yeah, you can't do that on -- >> well, shoot. >> jimmy: it's not hbo. >> darn gone it. >> jimmy: you can't do that. we have a different clip, actually. this is you getting some help from nice women. >> yeah, this is actually me getting etiquette lessons up in vermont. so i'm trying -- they are changing me -- they didn't like my outfit, so they're trying to get me into nice clothes. >> jimmy: here we go. larry the cable guy, "only in america." >> well, the shirt wasn't too bad, but then she made me lose my camo shorts. nobody gets these off me but my wife. real tight. good lord, they're real tight. >> think you're wife would be really proud to be seen on your arm in this kind of look. >> well the guy she's cheating on me with wears stuff like this all the time. [ laughter ] i'm just kidding. i'm kidding. he doesn't wear this. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: "only in america" debuts tuesday, february 8th on the history channel.
larry the cable guy everybody! phantogram preforms next. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ love legendary covergirl lashblast? 50% more bristles for big bold lashes. make your look even bolder with smoky shadowblast. 6 brilliant shade duos. a unique dual ended stick for colorful smoky eyes. smoky shadowblast plus lashblast.
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest, one of my favorite new bands. they are making their tv debut with us tonight with the song "mouthful of diamonds" from their debut album "eyelid movies." with a little help from questlove on drums, please welcome phantogram. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪
♪ then pack your bags and leave i wish i could believe the devils won't ♪ ♪ take you back out to the salty sea ♪ ♪ you've got a mouthful of diamonds and a pocketful of secrets ♪ ♪ i know you're never telling anyone because the patterns they control your mind ♪ ♪ those patterns take away my time hello, goodbye ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪ i wish i could believe i wish i could believe i wish i could believe i wish i could believe ♪ ♪ i wish i could believe ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: congratulations. that was great. phantogram! check out their album "eyelid movies." see them live april 17th at the cokella festival in palm springs. my thanks to samuel l. jackson, larry the cable guy, phantogram, and the greatest band in late night, the roots right over there. stay tuned for carson da